


today has been ok

by fabulousfairytales



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Heavy Angst, M/M, Mentions of not eating, mentions of sleeping pills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 10:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17465390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabulousfairytales/pseuds/fabulousfairytales
Summary: Levi Schmitt lives a good life. He has a demanding job and a beautiful fiancé who loves to order pizza after a long day. Well, he had all that until tragedy hits.





	today has been ok

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So after that happy fic I thought we should get some angst in here, ha ha. I'm a bit sorry. But only a bit.

Levi woke up to the sound of his alarm. He pressed the snooze button and sat up exhausted. The past few weeks have been a nightmare that he wished he could just wake up from. He looked at the other side of the bed where an already dressed Nico was smiling at him.

“Good morning beautiful,” Nico greeted his fiancé and cupped his cheek to pull him closer and kiss him gently. Levi gave him a tired smile and closed his eyes for a few more seconds until the seconds turned into minutes and then his alarm went off again. It was time to get up for real. He pushed back the blanket and slipped out of the bed, shuffling into the bathroom.

Looking into the mirror, he sighed. He had lost weight. Not too much, but it was noticeable by the way his ribs and collarbone were sticking out more than usual and the slightly slimmer face. His eyes were smaller, the bags under them bigger. He looked pale. It was terrible. He was sure that Nico would hate to see him like that for any longer.

Levi turned on the shower as he took off Nico's shirt and boxers that he was wearing. Falling asleep without Nico next to him was something that he really wasn’t good at. But when he was wearing his fiancé’s clothes he felt at least a little closer to him as he could smell him. Well, until the shirt had absorbed his own smell. He stepped into the shower and let the warm water hit him, washing away the thoughts of last night’s restless sleep.

He missed falling asleep next to Nico. He would wake up to him laying sprawled across the bed, and that was nice, but not what he had hoped for. Just everything about right now wasn’t as he had planned for it to be.

After washing his hair with Nico’s fancy shampoo that smelled a little bit like lavender, he reached for the bottle of body wash and sighed when he noticed that it was almost empty. He needed to buy a new bottle, but he couldn’t for the love of god remember where Nico bought it from.

Stepping out of the shower, he grabbed a towel to dry himself off. Shit, where did he put his glasses? They have to be around here.

He found them in the sink 5 minutes later.

With hair still damp, he went into the kitchen to make some coffee where he was greeted by the sight of Nico sitting on a bar stool at the kitchen island, munching on a croissant.

“You want one too?” Nico waved with a second croissant. Levi gave him a weak smile and shook his head.

“No, but thanks. I’ll stick with the coffee for now,” he replied and sat down next to him, his elbow on the counter, head resting on his hand while observing Nico devour his croissant. When he noticed that Levi was watching him, he grinned and played with one of his fiancé’s curls.

“You should eat something before you go. I could make you some eggs,” Nico suggested excited and already jumped up from the stool, but Levi stopped him.

“No, you can’t,” he countered. Nico chuckled.

“You’re right. I can’t. My eggs are terrible. But promise me to get something on the way to the funeral?”

“And get crumbs all over my suit? I don’t think so,” Levi chuckled and cautiously took Nico’s hand, afraid it might disappear as soon as he touches it.

“I miss you,” he sighed.

“I know. I miss you too. Our schedules have been crazy, haven’t they?”

“Yeah, really crazy.” He squeezed Nico’s hand a little before he got up to change into his suit.

“Well hello there. I see you put the fun in funeral, don’t you? It should be forbidden to look this hot in a suit while going to a boring event like a funeral,” Nico grinned when he saw Levi who was now looking for his jacket and keys.

“I really don’t plan on being the star of a funeral, but thanks. Have you seen… my jacket? My keys are in there.”

“ _Your_ jacket, huh? On the couch. You sat down as soon as you saw those cookies and took off _your_ jacket there,” Nico reminded him which he answered with a nod, remembering those chocolate chip cookies very fondly.

“Right. Thanks. I’ll get going now. See you – Uh… See you later?” Levi asked while putting on Nico’s old jacket. With the suit underneath, it almost fit him.

“I can still go with you. Or at least pick you up after?”

Levi smiled.

“Sounds perfect.”

The service was nice. Only a handful of friends and family were there. Levi managed to flake out before the lunch and was standing outside in the cold. His face lightened up when he noticed Nico who was standing at the gate. He grinned and walked up to his fiancé.

“Hey there handsome.”

“Hey beautiful.”

They grinned at each other for a moment before Nico reached over to take Levi’s hand.

“This is depressing. Wanna go home?”

“And ditch the lunch? Can I even do that?” Levi frowned. There was nothing that he’d rather like to do than snuggling up on the couch with Nico. But ditching a funeral? Even if it’s just the lunch?

“You can do whatever you want. Blame the grief if someone asks. Anyways, a funeral is for the surviving friends and family and not the dead one themselves. He’ll understand if you don’t feel like sitting between people crying about him with their faked pride and happy stories to get attention. ‘I’m his mother and we were so proud of our boy’,” Nico said in a high-pitched voice. To Levi it was the most hilarious thing in the world and he couldn’t stop laughing.

“Pride my ass. They threw him out when he told them something about him that they didn’t like. So, what do you say?” Nico chuckled and caressed Levi’s cheek.

“You know what? You’re right. Let’s go home.”

They went to the parking lot and got into Levi’s car, finally leaving this depressing place.

“So, how was the service? And the eulogy? How did it go? Did everybody cry?”

“A few people did, yeah.”

“Good. Because it was a bomb-ass eulogy. But what else could I have expected from you? You’re a genius. My genius.” Nico was leaning over it press a soft kiss on Levi’s cheek. Nico’s lips touched him so lightly that it almost felt like a breeze.

“Well, I do what I can. Wait, how do you know what’s in it? I never read it to you,” Levi noted confused.

“But you might have left your little notebook open on the counter last night before going to bed. It was beautiful. Really.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

They arrived at the apartment and hung up their jackets when they heard Levi’s stomach grumble loud.

“Well, somebody still hasn’t eaten I see. We could order pizza?”

“Sure. The same as usual?”

“Yep!” Nico nodded enthusiastically.

As Levi was ordering the pizzas, Nico was getting out of his clothes to put on sweatpants and a hoodie. Levi grinned as he watched him.

“Like what you’re seeing?” He asked after Levi hung up.

“Oh, you know I do,” the younger one giggled and went to the bedroom to get some clothes to change into.

When he came back, he frowned when he couldn’t find his fiancé.

“Nico?” He went over to the couch to see if he was lying down, but it was empty. Where did he go?

“Nico?” He went to the kitchen, but there was nothing either.

 _No no no no no._ _Not today, please._ He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He approached the bathroom and to his luck, there he was grinning at him.

“Oh god, I thought you were –“ He let out a breath of relief.

“What? Gone? I’m not gonna leave you. Not until you tell me to,” he laughed and wrapped his arms around Levi, kissing him softly.

“I’m here.”

“But that’s the thing,” Levi sniffed. He couldn’t keep going like this.

“What? Babe, why are you crying? Hey, I’m here.”

“But that’s the thing,” he breathed, “You’re not here. You’re dead. You died three weeks ago.”

And with that he took a few steps back and let the grief roll over him like a tidal wave. For the first time in weeks, he registered how weak he was actually feeling. He sunk down to his knees, hands clutched over his mouth and nose, his body shaking due to his heavy sobbing.

“Oh, you’re right,” Nico muttered with a sad smile.

It had felt unreal when he saw the news of those two trains crashing into each other. His heart beat faster and his breath stopped for a moment when he realized that this was the train that Nico was supposed to be in. He had of course grabbed his phone, trying to call him, but Nico didn’t answer.

And he never would’ve.

They assumed that he had died on impact, because his head hit one of the poles so hard, that the lower left side of the back of his skull was severely fractured. They also didn’t find him for three whole days.

Those three days were the worst days of Levi’s life. He never knew if he should prepare himself for the possibility of Nico’s death or if that was just bad thinking and he should think positively so that he wouldn’t jinx it.

In the end it didn’t matter, because he was already dead.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I know. And I love you too,” Nico answered quietly.

He sighed and eyed the sleeping pills that were laying on the coffee table. He hadn’t really slept in days. Nico’s side of the bed stayed cold and his clothes had almost completely lost his scent. It was like he was watching him slip away all over again, but this time it all happened in slow motion.

“I can go if you want me to,” Nico suggested.

He knew that one day he wouldn’t smell him anymore when he entered the apartment. He knew that one day they might stop producing the shampoo and body wash that he always used. He knew that one day he might not think about him every single second of the day.

“No. No please. Don’t go. Not yet.”

One day Nico Kim will be completely gone, except for the people that were still thinking of him. But maybe by then it won’t hurt as much as it did right now.

He took a deep breath and picked up the phone. Wiping away the silent tears that were still running down his cheeks, he called Taryn.

“Levi? Are you okay? Where are you? We were looking for you when you didn’t show up to the –“

“I ordered two Pizzas…”

“We’re coming over.”

“Thanks.”

Nico smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! Leave a comment and tell me how much you hate me right now. :)   
> I also recommend reading it a second time now that you know what's actually up. (well it wasn't that hard to figure out I guess, but I tried to write it in a way so that the big revelation would be surprising. tell me if that worked out haha)
> 
> Also if you wanna leave a prompt or hc request, you can do so on my tumblr @orthoglasses! :)


End file.
